I am reading (on one of the yahoo adoption web groups) a tread about a family that just "disrupted" their adoption of a 6 year old girl from Nanjing, China. They think the girl is developmentally delayed, maybe even with autism. I guess I can see both sides of this coin. My oldest daughter Jessica has autism (she is biological), and I am adopting for the 3rd time. When you have a baby, there are allot of unknowns. Jessica had 4 heart problems, tumors in her ears and autism. I had a healthy pregnancy. I did every thing right with her. Still, she has been very sick. It has been really hard! Still, she has taught me more then any thing or any one. Her name means" God's gift". I did not choose her autism, but I would never,NEVER send her back! She is mine, completely and totally MINE!!! When do people determine if an adopted child is theirs? For Juergen and I it was the moment we faxed our PA (that is Pre Approval) letter to our agency. Commitment is an act of the will. I would be sad if Sarah was developmentally delayed. My commitment to her is there..She is MINE! I am sorry that this family that disrupted the adoption of this amazingly beautiful 6 year old(who I actually doubt has autism) did not share my views on when commitment starts. They decided they would not commit to her...and so she remains with out a family. They may have lost the greatest gift God could have ever offered them! I realize many people would defend the family. But would you defend them if they decided to leave their sick child (biological child) in the hospital because they did not want to handle their needs? I really understand the shock they must have felt if this girl they decided to adopt was so much more delayed then they had expected. I guess I just see adoption as all about the child s needs....