Day 9: It is September 11th. I realize that nearly everyone in the USA is remembering the terrorist attack that happened 5 years ago today. I remember turning on CNN and seeing the video of the first plane hitting the first twin tower in New York. At that time they were not sure it was a terrorist attack. Then the second plane hit the second tower. I was in Germany at the time. I basically could not turn my TV off for weeks. I would get up at 3 am and watch CNN, as if I would see something that would change this terrible act. I felt so much grief. A German man at the end of our street had a flag pole. He lowered his German flag to half mass, in respect for the USA. Everyone was so kind to me as an American. Everyone was stunned! After that, Juergen and I unplugged our TV for two years. We felt we needed to stop watching the news for a while. We needed hope, not despair!
Last night Juergen and I talked about whether we would do a ceremony to remember the birth parents of Thomas and Philip. We had planned to do something while we were here. We decided not to do it. Thomas was so shaken by his visit to the babies’ home in Bangkok. He acted up for more than two days afterwards. He is finally relaxing and is feeling secure again. We know we would like to do something to honor the birth parents, sometime…but not now! We feel like Thomas needs an emotional break. The trip has been a great success so far for him. He now is proud of Thailand. He is wearing his yellow Thai shirt. This is a big step forward. Someday he will signal to us that he wants to learn more about his birth family. Maybe he will want to understand “Why”. For now, we feel it would not be wise to push him more emotionally! We only have a few more days here. He starts the 2nd grade on Monday. We need to start preparing the kids to return to Germany, and their regular life! I feel like this merging of past and future is a process. It has to run its course in time. It took time for my mind and emotions to deal with the events of September 11th. It took time for me to feel safe enough to travel, and also to have hope for the future. Thomas also needs time to deal with the rejection, and pain he feels from the past. I feel like this trip has been a big step in the right direction. Again, I want to thank you for your prayers!