It's been a great day. Sarah waved goodbye to Juergen and we have had no temper tantrums, crying or melt downs all day! She almost fell asleep in my arms at nap time. I was rocking and singing to her. Philip jumped on the chair next to me and woke her up! She did not get a nap! Still, letting me hold her and rock her...that's big! Sarah is really relaxing. She is doing the “normal” 4 year old stuff. Today she drew on my wall, scratched my living room furniture, and over watered my plants (flooding the bathroom, and the living room). "Normal" stuff! She fell asleep on the living room floor while I was using my new Mothers day vacuume cleaner. I just let her sleep. Juergen comes home in an hour. For now mama deserves a hot cup of tea!

This morning was interesting. We went on our regular walk with Mickey. This time I was prepared for the rain. I dressed Sarah warmly and carried an umbrella. I didn't want to have to carry her home today. My poor hands really hurt! I let Sarah walk where she wanted to. We ended up taking our normal route. We came to a place where there is a small ramp for bikes on the sidewalk. She really laughed when she rolled her doll carriage down the ramp. It happens to be a very short distance from where we turned around yesterday. Perhaps her stubborn fit yesterday had something to do with her desire to wheel her doll carriage down this ramp? It will be much easier to parent my strong willed sweetheart when we can talk to each other!
We had a good time together shopping for food. She was all hugs and kisses. They had Winnie the pooh socks on sale. She got a pair. Then we had to rush home to watch pooh. We also looked at some books. It’s been a good morning.

I just started rereading a book called "Attaching in Adoption" by Deborah Gray. There is a chapter on Trauma. I think a great deal of Sarah’s behavior comes from Trauma. The book says that it is best to work on attachment and then on trauma issues. A child needs to feel attached to you before they are safe enough to deal with the stress and trauma of their past. When Sarah froze and failed to go home during the rain storm this morning she really looked like someone who had experienced some traumatic experience. She is also peeing in her pants 4 or 5 times per day now. She never did that before. It is as if she is testing me to see if I will punish her for wetting her pants. I keep saying to her "it does not matter". I really hate to think what she has experienced. She has some real fear! I hope we can manage to help her feel really safe, and that God can heal all those fears. I will keep reading and tell you anything I find helpful.

Sarah was pretty sweet the rest of today. I really don't know what set her off this morning? I tried to get a good picture of her and me together, but it didn't work out. Instead I have a few photos of Sarah alone, and of Nicole and me. I also have a very short video of Nicole and I saying stop it!!!

Post-traumatic stress disorder




Sometimes I think I need to treat my daughter like a person who has survived a war or some other traumatic experience. This morning began OK. She did not cry when Juergen went to work. We took Mickey for a walk. The sky looked heavy with rain clouds. We got about half way through our regular walk when I felt it would be wise to turn around. I thought we would get caught in a real down pour. It was already beginning to rain. Maybe it was because we usually walk longer? I don't really know what caused her behavior. She acted like she was in shock. She was almost paralyzed. I kept pointing to the sky and said we needed to hurry home. She would not move. It seemed like she wanted to control me. Finally the rain began to pour. I had to pick her up (remember I have two sprained wrists). I picked her up along with her doll carriage, and continued to hold on to the dog leash. She was kicking and screaming. She screamed for Juergen. I'm sure it gave the whole neighborhood something to talk about! When we got home she refused to walk in the house. I had to carry her in. I put her on her bed for some time out. She had a grand temper tantrum. I went to clean Jessica’s bed room. When she calmed down a little, she changed out of her wet cloths. She even put on dry shoes and a coat. I think she planned on leaving. She called for Mickey. I think she wanted him to run away from home with her. I kept on cleaning, and gave her the space to calm down. When she calmed down I gave her a snack. Now she is just fine. I don't know what caused this fit? It was like she was in another world reliving something that had happened before!

Stop it!!!

Nicole gave me an original acrylic painting of one of her book characters. I had her sign and date it. After all, she may be as famous as Dr Seuss one day. Thomas is busy drawing me pictures of Bionicle robots. He loves Bionicles. I love receiving from him something that he loves! Sarah is having one temper tantrum after another. The good news is she is being bad for her papa. She is mostly rejecting me today, but I'm trying to just stay neutral. She challenges Juergens authority. For example, she made a big mess of her toys. He asked her to pick them up. She refused. He asked again and she refused. Finally he brought her to her room kicking and screaming so she could sit in her bed. He asked again...again she refused. Finally after 3 times being brought to her bed, and many tears she cleaned up her toys. Juergen is giving me a big gift for mother’s day. He is saying no to Sarah! He also gave me these beautiful flowers.
I would like mother’s day to be like a Hallmark card, all sweet and beautiful. During the year I do have wonderful moments with all my kids. They just don't seem to get into the holiday spirit. Maybe they are planning to surprise me? Happy Mother Day to you!

Real life isn’t nearly as romantic as you had hoped. I got up to use the toilet this morning. Sarah saw me and began to scream. I have to tell you, it made me cry. We have had her for 5 week. Maybe I cried because it is mother’s day. I know she will warm up to me as the day continues. Then Philip asks Juergen who would be taking them to church this morning. He said Mommy. Philip says in a disappointed voice, OH!!! Thank you Philip. What do I expect? I’m the one who makes him do his home work, and clean his room. I need my coffee; I’ve had enough sugar for the morning!

Sarah treated me pretty bad today, and was pretty clingy to Juergen. He has to preach tomorrow night and it's been hard for him to find any freedom to prepare a sermon. By the way, he is a computer scientist, not a pastor. He does get to preach at our church from time to time. He is sharing from Matthew 25 about serving the least among us. He did manage to go vacuum cleaner shopping with me today. We decided against the Dyson, and got something we thought would be better for us. The Dyson is all plastic, and only the more expensive models come with a hepa filter. They also only guaranteed the vacuum for two years. I think you can get a 5 year warrantee in the USA, but not here in Germany. My vacuum is made of stainless steel, and has an allergy filter, and a 4 year warrantee. It was pretty expensive, but I think it will handle the abuse I plan on giving it! After all, I do have 5 kids and a very hairy dog (Mickey is like a dust mop. He mops the whole neighborhood, and shakes it off in my living room)!
So tomorrow is mothers day. I teach Sunday school. I am going to sew wash cloths with the kids, and fill them with mineral salt for the bath. We will also learn about the mother of Jesus. My kids are planning a surprise puppet show. I will be sure to video tape that! I wish I was close enough to give my own Mom a hug, but a phone call is all I can give her! I am not so far from Juergens Mom, but we both have to teach tomorrow so again a phone call is all we can manage. Juergen and I have both been blessed with amazingly wonderful Moms. My job as a mom seems to get harder and more complicated these days. I do think I have had some incredible role models. There are no gifts great enough to pay for what I have been given by my mom! But you all saw her when we traveled to China…so you know I’ve been blessed!

Sarah treats me like dirt when Juergen is around....and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!

It's been a rainy day. Sarah had a bad case of Diarrhea. I think she is lactose Intolerant. She had some chocolate pudding. I think that was the cause. Anyway, we spent our time digging into a toy box she had not discovered yet. There were some costumes, including a princess and an angle costume. There were toy pots and pans. I spent over an hour eating imaginary hot food that she cooked for me. She also discovered a Winnie the Pooh talking book.
In the mean time, Philip and Thomas needed to clean their bedroom. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose children’s bedroom looks like a lab experiment gone very wrong! I threatened to bring a box (or maybe 10 boxes) and take all of their toys away if that room wasn't clean by the time papa got home!!! They have fought so much with each other, I had to take away their TV and computer time until Sunday. Teaching our kids to be responsible is a big part of being a "mom". OK.......they just lost TV and computer time until Tuesday! It's going to be a long weekend!

I got an x-ray on my hand. Praise God it's just a sprain. The Dr gave me some spray to bring down the swelling and some pain medication. I have both my wrists wrapped. I fell 4 weeks ago. I think its crazy I'm not recovered yet, but some things just take time. The Dr. said it would probably be another two weeks! Any way, I'm very happy it's not a break, no casts, no surgery. My mind was going wild!

A Quick poll!

Mother’s day is on Sunday. I would like to know what you want to receive for Mothers day, besides the plaster hand print from your adorable child. I want a new vacuum cleaner! Flowers are great, and bubble bath and scented candles are wonderful...but this year I want a Dyson!!!

I was driving home from a shopping trip with my little sweetheart Sarah. I was trying to think of how I could describe her to you. "She is a real pill" seems like such a nice way to write she is a pig headed spoiled brat! I'm so glad she is transitioning out of her sad and depressed stage. What is emerging is a child with a king size ego! This girl has major authority issues!!! People, I am a 45 year old collage graduate. I am not taking orders from a 4 year old! I don't care how cute she is!!!

I had to add this video by the Carr family. They just adopted their new daughter Xiaoli this week. Their blog is on my friend’s blogs list on the side bar. I also want to congratulate Jennifer and her family at our journey begins again (also on the friends blog) for the adoption of their daughter Sophia this week, and the Perry family on the adoption of Liam this week (also on the side bar).

Philip pretends to speak Chinese on the toy phone while Sarah does speak Chinese!

I wrote this post while sitting in my car. Sarah didn't want to take a nap, so I took her for a drive. The wind shield wipers and sound of the motor were too much for her. After the nap in the car we went shopping. Two things weigh heavy on my mind. First Juergen called me and said the German government isn't going to extend Sarah’s visa. I guess this means I will need to go to the USA pretty soon. When, I do not know. I should know in a few days. I would like more time to see Sarah become more stable and secure. She has been amazingly good, but barely! The second problem is my hands (my wrists). I hurt my wrists when I fell in China. I thought that they were both just sprained. They are not getting any better. In fact they are getting worse. Sarah has decided it is fun to jump into my arms. I love that she wants to leap into my arms but Ouch!!! I think I might have two broken wrists. I see the Dr on Friday morning for an x-ray.
This morning Sarah waved to her papa goodbye. She had no tears. I had pulled Jessica’s old Barbie dolls out of storage. Her eyes lit up. Today we played Barbie’s, with the doll house, cut paper with scissors, played with the toy kitchen, and with Winnie Pooh. We of course took Mickey for a long walk, and fed the fish. Juergen is out with Sarah and Philip getting his hair cut. I am really tired! Here are some photos from this very full day. Sarah was so funny. She sang songs. She also did some dances. She is all hugs and kisses. I am seeing much more of her very strong personality. The only melt down came when she and Philip had a fight. Boy can they fight! She is such a sore loser! They were playing a game, and she lost. She hates to lose, and started to scream for papa. I guess she thought she could make him convince Philip to lose? Philip is not about to lose for her!!!

A local reader and friend asked me to write down anything I've learned about attachment and bonding. I just ordered a book called Adopting the Hurt Child
I will be sure to tell you what I think of the book once I read it. I have also read other adoption books, listed on the sidebar towards the bottom of the page. But here are some of the things we are doing that I think helps...

1. We are working together (Juergen and I). Sarah’s attachment problems affect both of us. We talk about it, pray together, and are trying to help each other through this. Even talking about it has been a challenge. At times we even had to call each other on the phone because Sarah would not leave Juergens side, and I could not stay calm when I talked...but we communicated.
2. I fed Sarah everything she eats. Juergen was not allowed to feed her or give her stuff. We started saying "Every good and perfect gift comes from Mom"! Every nice new toy, every nice new piece of clothing everything came from me!
3. I made myself help dress her, and brush her teeth, and kiss her good night. She did not like this, but I did it anyway.
4. Juergen began bringing her into my bedroom every morning to cuddle. At first she only tickled and cuddled with Juergen. Then they attacked tickled me. Now she tickles me, and I tickle her.
5. I take her picture with a digital camera. She likes this. I take her picture with other family members, and then asked if we could get our picture together. Now she sees us together. Juergen also holds her up to the mirror in the bath room, and she sees herself with papa, and mama. At first she did not like this picture, but now she does!
6. I looked for things she likes for example art, and I try to do these things over and over. We walk Mickey together, we do art together, and we visit animals together at the pet shop and petting zoo. She likes pancakes, so I make them once a week. She likes fresh cut pineapple and strawberries so I buy them! She likes cherry milk shakes, so I drive through McDonalds when I want her to calm down and get something to eat (she was not eating for me at first). I try to reinforce the good stuff.
7. I don't push myself on her, and don't deny her of her papa. I just try to always be there.
8. I started taking care of myself so I was not so extremely stressed out.
9. I prayed allot, Juergen prayed, friends prayed, strangers prayed. God did a miracle!

Here are some photos from this after noon. It just gets better and better with Sarah. Thank God!!! I took her and Philip to a pet store for some fish supplies. We saw some really cute white mice. We strung some more beads. Philip and Sarah play and fight like they were together there whole lives!

Sarah was very brave this morning. Juergen explained to her he had to go to work, and asked her to be good for Mommy. She shook her head Ok, and waved goodbye. She did not cry. I gave her a piece of candy and asked her if she wanted to help feed the fish. We watched the fish for awhile, and then did some art. We colored a fish, then cut paper. She loves using the scissors! Then I gave her a sticker album with stickers. She loved that!
I think she is a little sick today. Her nose is running and she has been pretty quite. She even fell asleep for a few minutes when I was on the phone. Nicole and Philip came home at the same time. This made her happy. We are doing well together, but you can tell she misses having other kids around. I would send her to kindergarten right away if we did not have bonding issues. I may take her to a special Bible study at a local Baptist church that is for Mom's with small kids (MOPS). It is even in English.

This is un related, but I'm teaching sunday school on Sunday (mothers day). We always do a craft for Mom. I found this link for making bath salts. Does anyone have a good idea for a cute container for bath salts? I've got 20-25 kids in my class (5-7Th grade).

Your very compassionate and encouraging e-mails and comments have been wonderful! I can not thank you enough for caring. One reader sent me this link to an attachment and bonding center. I wanted to pass the information on to all of you! I plan to read the web site, and more importantly buy and read the recommended books. I hope Sarah and I are really moving past our rough spot, but I also know we can use the good advice to move far ahead. I want her to be fully attached and bonded to me, and our whole family!

Your prayer has made all the difference! Sarah is following me around the house, hanging on me, hugging me, kissing me, letting me take her to the toilet, playing with me...and...and!!! Wow!!! We have had her 4 weeks today. It has been some of the hardest 4 weeks of my life. I think we have really turned a corner, and I hope we never return to where we were! Here are some photos from this morning. Sarah drew this sun. Isn't it good!