This blog covers our wait, travel, and adjustment to our 4 year old adopted Chinese daughter Sarah Shui Qing from Nanjing. There are over 1000 posts. I have moved my blog to Catching Butterflies 2. I hope you will enjoy reading this blog. It has alot of information on Special needs adoption. Follow us to our new address Catching Butterflies 2! Thank you for reading!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

I'm sitting across from Juergen. He has a stack of paperwork to work through. Sarah does not give him much space to breath when she is awake. The day has gone by OK, but I'm actually discouraged. I feel like I lost ground with Sarah. I have to work so hard to get any attention from her when Juergen is around. I feel like a sad lonely beggar who has pounded the pavement all day, and only has a few small crumbs to show for it. So here we are, Juergen over loved and me under appreciated. We are both tired. I'm having a pity party, and Juergen is driven to finish his "to do" list. That old familiar feeling of nausea is back in my stomach. I want to relax, but I am really sad that she makes me work so hard for her trust, and affection. She gives it away so freely to Juergen, and I have to beg for every small piece. It is probably just my pride that is taking a beating here! What would it do to your ego to watch your most wanted daughter saying "papa, papa" all day long...and you are just the maid? I should not base too much on my present feelings. Please just tell me the tide is going to change...this too will pass!!! I probably just need to sleep. Maybe Sarah does not really love me or appreciate me…but the game is not over. I am only asking to be one of the most important and influential people in her whole life. Juergen got his role given to him, but she has made it very clear I’m going to have to work for my position in her life. She is not giving anything to me for free!