I just started reading this web site. I am actually having a very hard day today. Dealing with this rejection is SOOOOOO HARD! it seems like the only place I have to be alone is in the bath tub. And so I take allot of baths trying to relax and pray. I cry so hard. I am so tired! I feel like I have no strength or ideas. Then I find a small piece of wisdom...just a crumb to work with. I decided I should kidnap my daughter and take her with Nicole to buy some plants for the garden. The weather is wonderful, and my garden is terribly neglected. Juergen was nervous. I felt that at the very least it would give him some time to be alone with the boys. Maybe Sarah could get to know Nicole. She cried the first 10 mins in the car. She held Nicole's hand. I drove through McDonalds and bought her a cherry shake. She calmed down. She would not take my hand, but she was good for Nicole. We saw rabbits and birds and fish. Then we bought tomato plants, peppers, and some herbs. I also went to the food store and bought food for tomorrow. I'm not sure she will let me take her out tomorrow. I bought a baby bottle too. She is too old for a bottle, but feeding her a bottle is a form of bonding therapy. We did this with Thomas when he was 7 years old. He would lay in our arms and drink a bottle with us . We held the bottle and he had to look into our eyes. I thought I might try it with Sarah. I don't think she will let me hold her...but maybe she will?
Our friends and neighbors came over and gave Sarah her first real present. She was not very sure of what to do with the wrapped box. I'm so grateful I am not alone in all of this. I'm so grateful for the love and concern I receive from so many people! I found this song on a readers blog. It also blesses me, and adds to my courage. I could use all the courage I can find!
"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true friends: succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today , people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway. Give the world YOUR best anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you that them anyway." -Mother Teresa