This blog covers our wait, travel, and adjustment to our 4 year old adopted Chinese daughter Sarah Shui Qing from Nanjing. There are over 1000 posts. I have moved my blog to Catching Butterflies 2. I hope you will enjoy reading this blog. It has alot of information on Special needs adoption. Follow us to our new address Catching Butterflies 2! Thank you for reading!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

This morning began as I imagined it would. Juergen walked out the door and a terrified Sarah cried for 3 hours. My nerves were fried. She kept walking to the door and calling for her Papa. She would receive no food, drink or comfort from me. When I spoke it seemed to bother her even more, so I kept quiet. I cleaned the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room. I gave her space. She knew I was there, but she wanted nothing from me. Finally I made myself some tea. I took some Aspirin, and I sat in the living room to try to relax. I turned on God TV. Ulf Ekmann was preaching. The very first words I heard him speak were “Perhaps you are a child that feels rejected by your parents, or even a parent that feels rejected by your child”, I said “that would be me”!!! He led in a prayer for forgiveness, and blessing. I prayed for Sarah that God would bless her future. That He would help her in this very difficult time of transition, and that He would give me wisdom and help. I decided to take her out of the house. I had to carry her to the car kicking and screaming. Feeling like you need to kidnap your own daughter is about one of the worst feelings I have ever felt in my life. Something’s you just do because you know they are right…despite how it feels! First I drove her to McDonalds for a cherry shake. It had worked yesterday. I had hoped it might work today - and it did. She took the shake. She calmed down. I decided to take her to Toys-R-Us. I wanted to buy something for the boys. They were so good in Nanjing. She would not take my hand, but she did follow me into the store. I picked some Lego out for the boys. That actually relaxed her. I guess she knew she would actually be seeing them again. I think a great deal of her fear comes from not really knowing what part of this dream is going to last. She does not trust it. Then I tried tempting her with a toy. At first she would not be tempted. The answer was “no”!!! We kept walking. But her will weakened. We got to the princess dolls and it was just too much for her. She submitted to let me buy her a Bell baby doll that included a small tea set. Still, she would not carry the doll, or show any joy. Then we stopped by a bike path so Mickey our dog could get a walk. There were dandelions everywhere. I blew a dandelion, and that won me my first smile of the day. We ran from dandelion to dandelion. She was very happy. She did not want to stop. I finally needed to stop because Philip would be coming home from School. When we got home, we opened her doll. I set up a little tea party. I brought chairs, and other dolls. I put fresh strawberries and cookies and even a piece of chocolate on the table. She ate and played. She was laughing and playing when Philip got home. She continued to play when Thomas got home. Then by 2 pm she got very tired and began to reject me again. I laid her down in Philips bed and Philip laid down with her. She was asleep in two minutes. When she woke up she followed Philip around like he was Juergen. She rejected me all over again. Around 5pm she began to get sad again. I took her and Philip out with Mickey for another dandelion walk. That went well. After the walk I went to the store to buy ice-cream because it’s pretty warm today. Juergen was home when we arrived. I feel relieved to have survived this day. I hope she does not give me such a hard time tomorrow. I don’t expect it to be easy, but maybe easier. I’m really worried about Thomas. He looks like he lost Daddy, and now Philip. I feel rejected, but I have a lot of friends and support so I’m handling it. He (Thomas) feels rejected, but does not have the foundation to do anything but fall! We need allot of wisdom and love to help him through this time too!