I survived the airport just fine. Sarah and I played peek a boo with each other while we stood in line. I'm sure she entertained the many waiting passengers. she wore her new pink squeaky shoes. They have little white butterflies on the sides. I thought it was appropriate. The trouble began because the flight was so late. she gets really sad when she is tired. she refused to allow me to hold her. She would not sit in her stroller. When we finally checked in for the flight it was almost 11:30pm. I had so much to carry on, I made the mistake of allowing an overly kind Chinese women to carry Sarah to the plane. When this women placed Sarah in her chair, she screamed her head off. The airline flight attendant rushed to pick Sarah up and bring her to this women. Then another flight attendant yelled at me to please switch my seat! Then the women who carried Sarah to the plane announced very loudly in Chinese Sarah was not her daughter. The over crowded plane filled with Chinese people bust into laughter. I thought I would die from embarrassment! Then the Chinese flight attendants held and coddled Sarah. I had to pry her from them. They tried to make me allow this over helpful Chinese mother to care for Sarah on the flight. I had to yell at them to let Sarah stay with me. The helpful mother would get off the flight in the morning, and Sarah would need to stay with me. She did not need another caretaker walk away from her! Sarah calmed down until another overly helpful Asian women directly behind us began feeding her cookies, and holding her hand. Then she rejected me completely! She cried off and on all night. I am sure she cried for her nanny. The airplane landed in Frankfurt and all the well meaning women disembarked. Sarah screamed uncontrollably. I stared at the flight attendant who had tears in her eyes. She finally understood why I did not want them to bond with my daughter. They walked away, and she was so grieved. I was so angry!
I walked directly to the passport control office and begged them for a visa for Sarah. She needed to go home. She was so exhausted and confused. We both just needed to be home! Miracle of miracles is they gave Sarah a visa to Germany. I canceled my flight to Portland. I am typing this from my own desk. I have allot of details to cover about what has happened in the past few days. I also have allot of great photos and video (I hope I can get a cable for my camera, so I can transfer the pictures). For now I just wanted to praise God for the chance to be here. I don't think I could have handled another 4 hour layover and another 12 hour flight with my poor confused daughter. We had both reached the end of our rope! Sarah kissed me when she saw Juergen. Now that she is home she is rejecting me again. I'm not a monster, and I find it entirely unfair that she treats me so badly! When will we ever find our new normal? They called her nanny "momma". She will not allow me to be her mama. All those Asian women only reminded her of this loss. When will she ever allow me to be a part of her future? We are home, but we have allot of miles to travel before Sarah really feels safe!