This afternoon we went to the Nanjing zoo and the old city wall. I took loads of pictures, but then my batteries went dead on my camera. I need to charge the battery or I can not download the pictures.
Sarah continues to cling to Juergen and she will not allow me to touch her without crying. It's very very hard, but I'm just trying to focus on the other kids, and I'm basically ignoring little miss sunshine!!! A few times today Juergen and I forced her to sit next to me on the van, and allow me to carry her. She screamed bloody murder. I just held her and held her until she calmed down. When she relaxed, I let her go. She does not, does not want to trust me! We passed a butterfly house near the exit of the zoo. First mom said "Look Amy! Butterflies", I said "yes, OK I see it". Then Juergen said "Look Amy! Butterflies", I said I've had enough butterflies today! I would like to forget her today, and try again tomorrow! I had enough rejection for today. A person can only take so much! Juergen went home with the kids and the driver. I went with Mom, and our guide to ride the subway into the town center. I wanted to buy a Starbucks Nanjing cup, and shop for baby cloths (for the orphanage) at WalMart. I am going with my Mom and Nicole to visit the orphanage in the morning. We are not going to take Sarah back because she is just too shaken up. Tonight Juergen and I gave her a bath. She cried because I was in the room. I just kept handing her toys. She rejected them! Then Juergen held her while I rubbed lotion on her dry skin. She actually loves the lotion, but protested it being applied by the big old monster (me)!
I had a very good day seeing Nanjing. It is an amazing place. I enjoyed my time with Jessica and my Mom. I'm amazed at how big and modern it is! The rejection is very hard for me to take, and it's also hard on Juergen. He is very tired! She is very demanding, an he is getting tired of it! Someone on our guest book reminded me to pray! I can not read you blog comments, but I read the guest book! Thank you for your advice. I really want to cry! I am not super human, and her rejection is very very mean! Only God can give me the self control, wisdom, and love to overcome this coldness. I hope you will also pray for her. It is so hard for her to bond to so many people. She seems to reject all the women in our group. I guess if her Nanny's could give her away, why should she accept another woman? God can cause her to soften her heart towards me... I am the best friend she could ever have. If she only knew how I fought for her... and how I fight for her still!
Tomorrow at 9 am I will leave for the orphanage (God willing). I have a very large list of names (12 names) of waiting kids. I really hope I can take a photo of each child. I will not know until they allow me to take the photos. Believe me, I hope and pray they will allow it! I remember how special each and every photo was to me while I waited! I'm so grateful to every traveling family who gave me these special treasures! I know Sarah will get past this coldness. Everything is so confusing for her. None of this sours me on our future together! This is not a place to stop, just a thing to pass through. I hope I can deliver new photos to each family on my list. I will rejoice with you!!!