So here we are again. We thought we would be smart this morning and take her out from the start. Juergen put her in the car. He got in his own car and drove away. She screamed and would not stop screaming! She also would not stay in her car seat. I could not drive anywhere. I wanted to take her to the zoo. I could not take her anywhere, not in this hysterical screaming state! I'm sure some good citizen would call the police. I would need to prove I was not kidnapping her. Kidnapping is how it feels. This morning at breakfast, Sarah kept telling Juergen "Papa, Mama"! Like Papa please be my Mama! She does not want me! What am I to do? I feel like all I can do is hold on and ride out this storm. I may never understand why she has chosen to reject me so completely! She has determined in her little mind she will not love me. Anyone else, but not me! I sure hope she applies this amazing determination towards a good and noble cause one day. What strength she has! What a will!!! She is no wall flower! She is a giant, fierce
and loyal, in the body of a 4 year old. She has survived 4 years in an institution with out a family. Trust, real trust does not come easy to her! I can not help but think of all the people in this world who strongly reject the love of God. He also waits for those He loves so deeply to acknowledge his love! I am tired, but I am also determined. I also have a will, and it is very strong! She is a noble cause, and I'm not going anywhere!