This blog covers our wait, travel, and adjustment to our 4 year old adopted Chinese daughter Sarah Shui Qing from Nanjing. There are over 1000 posts. I have moved my blog to Catching Butterflies 2. I hope you will enjoy reading this blog. It has alot of information on Special needs adoption. Follow us to our new address Catching Butterflies 2! Thank you for reading!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I'm suppose to be even tempered, calm and loving. I should not show too much emotion around Sarah. Today I find this to be an impossible task. I can not even look at her without breaking into tears. The pain is so raw and it's right on the surface. It bleeds out of me. I can not contain it! I went to Church this morning, but could not manage to go in. Allot of people care about me there. they would ask me one by one how I am. I have not got the strength to explain my self over and over. I know no one could comfort me. There are no words. I feel like Elijah, I want to hide in a cave. I just want to sleep. I begged Juergen to just take her someplace. Get her out of here. I can not pretend to be "normal", I am deeply sad. My heart feels so heavy. I just can not hide this pain.