I'm suppose to be even tempered, calm and loving. I should not show too much emotion around Sarah. Today I find this to be an impossible task. I can not even look at her without breaking into tears. The pain is so raw and it's right on the surface. It bleeds out of me. I can not contain it! I went to Church this morning, but could not manage to go in. Allot of people care about me there. they would ask me one by one how I am. I have not got the strength to explain my self over and over. I know no one could comfort me. There are no words. I feel like Elijah, I want to hide in a cave. I just want to sleep. I begged Juergen to just take her someplace. Get her out of here. I can not pretend to be "normal", I am deeply sad. My heart feels so heavy. I just can not hide this pain.