When I look back at my last few posts I think someone who doesn't really know me might think I'm losing it! It's actually not true. I'm a bit sad and we are in a stressful time but I'm stable. I also think it looks like I don't even like my daughter. I have to tell you honestly I hate this clingy insecure behavior she is exhibiting all the time. It is painful to watch, and painful to live with. I have seen her (thank God) relaxed and fully animated. I think we got one of the finest kids in China. It does hurt me that she still does not want me to be her Mom. It hurts that she doesn't claim her sisters (who are so very wonderful). I realize we will get through all of this, and people will envy us for the charming sweetheart we have in Sarah. Today is Juergens last day home. I hate the thought of watching her cry tears of panic and loss again in the morning. If I did not love her, it would not hurt me so deeply! We will find our way with each other. When my Mom left the hotel in Shanghai, Sarah cried for hours. She would not be comforted. She clung to the door and cried. It broke my heart...my heart is breaking still. I hate tomorrow! Eventually she calmed down. Eventually she eat. Eventually she played with me, and began accepting me. It simply is the only way. I would rather cut off my arm then have to see her heart broken again. In a few weeks I hope she will finally feel safe! The video is from the hotel in Shanghai. This is Sarah finally relaxing with me after my Mom left and I was all she had. Please just pray for us tomorrow. There is no way of explaining to her Daddy goes away, and then he comes back. She (and unfortunately I) must live through it.