Sarah woke up very angry. She was very mad that it was me and not Juergen in the bed next to her. Juergen and I took her to the food store around the corner. She calmed down when we were outside. Juergen and I decided that he should leave for the day. Somehow Sarah needs to learn she has two parents she can trust. It's painful for her to go through this process but I just can not have her screaming like this on the airplane. Juergen took my Mom, Nicole, and Thomas out to see Shanghai. They took a rented cell phone (the panda phone). I will let them know when it's OK to come home. She has been angry for nearly 3 hours, but not really crying or paniced. She is very strong willed, and she is very determined not to accept me. I keep very calm towards her. Philip is here, and I've been blowing bubbles and drawing on the magnadoodel with him. She refused lunch but eat a few crackers and took a drink from me. I put her down for a nap. She got up and put her shoes on. She sat next to the door, but looked so tired. I had Philip give her a pillow. She refussed it and got up to go to bed. She got upset when I came in to give her a drink.I left the room and she cried pretty loud,and began to panic. I don't think she has ever slept alone before. I came in and held her. She actually looked me in the face and talked to me. She decide to sleep with Philip who was laying down in the extra bed in the living room. I of course said OK. She crawled into bed. I tucked her in, and kissed Philip and her good nap. She is asleep right now. Hopefully I can get her to play with Philip and I this afternoon. Then I will let Juergen come home! I'm so desperate, I may need to have him check into another room for a night. Sarah may need the time. We are making progress. I'm sorry if this whole drama sours some people on adoption. Half the Sky started a new Nanny program in Sarah's orphanage about 6 months ago. Before then she did not have a special nanny. Over the past 6 months she has had one nanny all to herself. She has grown very attached to this women. She probably has decided it would be disloyal to attach herself to me. Juergen is her first daddy. He had no shoes to fill! I wanted to cry earlier in the week (and did cry) because her rejection was so strong and mean. Now she is only angry, and this is really much easier to deal with the grief!
I am happy for Juergen because he actually gets a break from this drama! I'm also happy for Nicole and Thomas because they finally get to see some of China, and their daddy! I would take a picture of Sarah and Philip, but Juergen has the camera. Kids are always angles when they sleep. It is a sweet sight.
My hands are still in allot of pain from the fall I took. Jessica is a little sick, and doesn't seem to mind spending the day in her room. Juergen has a tooth ache, and is also getting an ear infection. I guess I'm just asking everyone to please continue to pray for us. I never fail to thank my God for the grace that has been given us as a result of the prayers of many!