Sarah actually called me Mama today! It was when Juergen and I were about to leave her with my Mom so we could go out to coffee. We wanted to have a planning meeting. We don't get any chance to talk alone because Sarah will not leave his side for two seconds. Believe me, Juergen is wonderful, but this is getting a bit sick!!! My Mom was holding her so we could walk out the door. She would not let her follow him, so out of desperation she asked me! She shouted Mama! It felt really good to have her jump into my arms and call me Mama! Juergen cried! I knew she was just using me, but I let her come with us. Of course she would not let me hold her or even look at her the second we walked out the door!
This afternoon we all went swimming. Jessica has hardly had a chance to leave the hotel in the past two days. She loves to have Juergen throw her around in the pool, but Sarah just would not allow anyone else to hold her, even for two seconds! Juergen took her upstairs to stay with Grandma. She was mad at Mom for not letting her go with Juergen in the morning. She wouldn't calm down for Mom...that is until I returned from the pool with Jessica. Then it was Grandma hold me! Grandma save me from that wicked crazy lady who thinks she is my Mom! Anyone, even Jessica would be better then Mom!
We had originally planned to have Juergen stay with Sarah tonight so I could take Mom and the kids to the circus. Because Sarah will not let go of Juergen, we felt we must have him leave tonight. They are gone now! Sarah had a fit! She walked from window to window crying for him. She would not let me near her to comfort her. All I could say was Sarah I am sorry, Papa will come back. It's OK. But she didn't even want to hear my ugly voice. She kept shouting at me in Chinese. I don't know exactly what she said, but I'm sure it was go away, I do not want you. I sat her on the toilet, under great protest and placed her in her sleeper. She clung to her coat and shoes, so preyed them out of her hands and actually put them on her too. She was very tired. She placed herself in bed. I was not allowed to come near her. She stared out the window that looks down to the street, and she fell asleep. I'm sure she will not be angry at Juergen for leaving her. She will probably blame me for sending him away! I've heard a great number of stories about children attaching themselves to one parent and rejecting the other parent. The situation generally resolves its self in time. I am sure Sarah will also learn to love me. We have had her one whole week now. It has been one of the worst weeks of my life! I have been Sarah's punching bag while Juergen got to be her teddy bear! He says he wishes the shoe was on the other foot. I'm sure this is not true! I don't honestly think he could handle this rejection, he is far to sensitive! I often wonder (especially lately) how God handles the rejection of so many of those he lovingly created? I guess he knows the future, and waits for the day we come to Him not out of a desire to manipulate or use him, but freely and in love! I wait for this day, and I am very sure that one hug will be worth every miserable moment I have experienced. Again Sarah sleeps sweetly. She is clinging to her cloths, and probably dreaming of my dream man. I must say, she has very good taste in men! Very Very good taste!!!